Sometimes I wonder as to why I tend to push myself so hard. Way harder than is required. Living in a state of anxiety, with the look of tension on the face to scare away any lesser mortal. I often wonder why is to so hard for me relax and let go. Even the pettiest of thing takes root in the mind and results in a vicious thought circle. And to top it all I have my firm belief in cynicism of the nth order. Taking pride in living life in complete absurdity, which has its origin in a state of being that I wouldn't wish even upon my dearest enemy... and wherin lies the origin of an escape mechanism that gradually developed and spanned so deep that it's now hard-wired into me. I may think of it with a sense of pity, but it is this very madness that made me survive with a chalo accha hua kaam aa gaye diwangi apni, varna hum zamane bhar ko samjhne kaha jaate ..... in a way this is has helped cover up some much space thats inside.. so many blank patches and voids...
Friday, October 13, 2006
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