Monday, December 14, 2009

Lack of Words...

Prelude: Thanks to Shibani, a post that had been incomplete for months, giving me blank stars and mocking me whenever I booted up my laptop, has finally come to a logical conclusion and ready to be posted.


Wondered why when we bump into someone whom we have been out of touch with since ages, the conversation starts almost on the same note-

How have you been ?

Good. How about you ?


So what’s up, its been really a while since we last spoke.

Yeah. True. So what’s up?

Well, nothing much.

How is job going ?

Good. And yours?

Well some rough patches here and there, but smooth sail most of the time.

Good. And how is your girlfriend (or boyfriend or significant other)

Chal raha hai.

Lets sit sometime and catch up like old times.

Sure would love to do that.

(exchange of contact info)


And then never bothering to get in touch again.

I am not sure about the rest of the people, but this surely happens with me a lot of times. And these are the same people who at one point of time were the closest college, school, classes or building buddies. With the passing of time one just gets busy with ones own life.

Well can actually categorise them into three possible reasons for this- first, Genuine lack of interest and little common ground, we all change with time so our interests, hobbies too could change thus leaving the commonalities behind; second, there are new additions into our world the toll of work & pressure that come alongside which takes away a major portion of our time, then comes the significant other, not to miss out the family & some new friends. The older ones just drift apart for no specific reasons. It just happens!!! Third, so much water has passed down the bridge that you really don’t know where to start.

Well there are times when I can actually categorise some of my old friends into all of these scenarios. A chance phone conversation with an old school pal who in school was my best friend made me realize we have grown into very different people & with absolutely different interests left me wondering how?? the conversation just did not move ahead from the regular exchange of pleasantries. I did whine about it a little while…but then was back to my normal self coz the absence or presence of this long lost friend of mine would not make a difference to my world now.

So many times I have faced something which is a mix of the second and third situation. Even when I met up with someone who was really a good friend at one point of time and I really want to share all that life has been through since we last met, don’t really know where to start from. But we did manage to gather the past & voila…it was just like old times…& this has happened not once but a couple of times & we just manage to pick up from where we left last..,

Leaves me with a thought what’s going to be like say five years down the line? Will I be writing another blog post about how I have outgrown the current people in my life or will some stay all along and some drift away?

Only time can answer this one!!!


PS: Shibani- We should be having such random conversations more often :)

Friday, December 11, 2009


Finally after more than a week of wait, I am publishing this chain of thoughts as it is. There are too many missing links in the flow and too much has been left unsaid. However, I believe letting it stay back any longer is not going to solve the purpose. So here goes one more post in an attempt to understand myself and my experiment with silence. I think I have forewarned enough about the incoherence of thoughts and expressions to explain further J

For most of us silence is a very unsettling experience. Especially if it is for a prolonged period of time. We tend to re-act to silence by trying to run away from it the best we can. Ironically as it might be but silence makes us more restless and fidgety. I for one for a major part have been that ways.

Only off late have noticed a gradual change in me from being uncomfortable and afraid of it I have been moving towards phases of mindful silence. I call it so because these are phases when I am merely an observant. Fully aware and being passive (by choice), just letting silence unroll.

It has not been an easy roll out till date. The emotional turmoil which I am going through keeps coming to the surface, resulting in a struggle between keeping peace and once again letting the vicious chain of thoughts take control.

Just came across this sentence in a book on Zen Buddhism

Mindfulness is an energy that can hold the suffering, the anger, the despair, if you know how to hold your suffering for long enough, you get relief.

After going through a prolonged period of suffering and being emotionally drained out in the last few months, my only hope is letting silence take control and show me the path of healing. Putting these thoughts into words has not been an easy task for me. Being an introvert, all my struggles and conflicts as well as the source of their solution always lies inside. However this time I know this is not going to work for me. I am gathering the courage to bring it out step by step. I seek solutions and understanding which lies beyond me and bring the lost harmony.

Friday, November 06, 2009


life becomes so boring and meaningless when you are not hungry... both in metaphorical and literal sense :P

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Trek to Torna...

13 Spetember 2009 - Trek to Torna

Trek to Torna

Sunday, September 06, 2009


The cynic in me, that usually lies dormant or atleast undercover suddenly raised in all its glory this sunday morning and asked me - 

When things stop making sense and start to loose meaning, is it time to buy a dictionary ?

Any answers :P

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Miss you dad...

Its that day of the year which I think about and keep promising to handle in a different and more mature way. Yet the gush of feelings and raw emotions is too strong to be in control.

Its been sixteen years, yet I miss you dad.

People say time heals, yet thats one thing that never seems to work for me. Life to me at times seems nothing more than a journey marred by wounds and scars. A recent setback also validated the same.

The only recourse that I do find is in diverting my mind to other things. That seems to work for me most of the times. And other times, I have found comfort in just letting me be myself, letting my feeling surface and coming to terms with my reality.

Over the years the only difference that I found in myself is that now I no longer try to escape. I am learning to face my self, my loss and my pain.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Perception of Perfection

Someone close to me wrote during a series of intermittentent conversations -

there is nothing perfect in this word..but when u have your own perception of perfection in your mind then life becomes very difficult becoz then its really difficult to adjust in other scenario which according to one is not perfect

So what really should we change, our definition of perception or our perception ?

Any suggestions ???

Monday, August 10, 2009

Reflection in the mirror...

Often even the mirror doesn’t show the reality. We only see what we want to see. It is our perception that we see in the mirror. And perception is nothing more than our interpretation of everything within us and beyond. The looking glass through which we choose to see both the inside and the outside world. If the world seems to have turned sepia all of a sudden, it is because of the tinted lens that we put on and not due to change in world order.

The same holds true for relationships and the way we choose to connect with the world. If we are empty from inside then no matter how complete the other person is, all that we will see is portions of his/ her that are empty too. The glass will always seem to be half empty. The world around us will always seem to have a void. A no matter how hard we attempt to fill the void by filling it with more and more companionship, activities and actions, the feeling of emptiness is going to remain there, forever. And gradually when all our attempts start to fail, we start to head towards despair and hopelessness starts to crop in from all spheres.

The only way to end this misery is look inwards, and accept oneself. Accept oneself for the person we are, for the past we had, our current and past relations, and for all that that constitutes a part of our being. It is only when start the process of accepting and becoming at peace with oneself that we will start to understanding things in a wider perspective and start to appreciate things that form a part of external reality.

And it is only after reaching this stage that we can start to look for a meaning and fulfilling relationship. One which does not bind us down and lead us to despair, but instead, liberates us and pushes us up towards greater heights of love and happiness.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Transient thoughts...

A thought crossed my mind last night -

As long as things keep moving, perceptions don't matter, they are subjective.

At times we are so bogged down by current realities, that we tend to miss out on the bigger picture and the scheme of things from a larger perspective. The only way to get out of the rut of negativity is let a bit of hope slip in and allow things to take there own course.

Bhagwad Gita (Chapter 2, Verse 14) explains the transient nature of the mind (and how to deal with it) in a very beautiful manner-

matra-sparshas tu kaunteya, sitosna-sukha-duhkha-dah
agamapayino ’nityas, tams titiksasva bharata

Translation: O son of Kunti, the nonpermanent appearance of happiness and distress, and their disappearance in due course, are like the appearance and disappearance of winter and summer seasons. They arise from sense perception, O scion of Bharata, and one must learn to tolerate them without being disturbed.

Monday, August 03, 2009

Holding on to the past...

Holding on to the past is something we all do.

There are so many intense emotions that are a inseparable part of our memories, that often it’s hard to think about something from the past and separate the feelings associated with the event. And yet whenever we come across someone trying to overcome and recover from something tragic and unfortunate, the only word of advice that we offer is - move on.

At one point of time I was considered by my friends to be a caring people, who use to be ever thoughtful, full advice and suggestions. At that time on innumerable occasions for varied events that occurred in the lives of people around me, the only advice that I had to offer was - move on. And to my surprise it seemed to be working for all but one person. And that person was me.

Gradually, I came to realize that the grand face that I was putting up in front of so many others was merely a facade, a means that I had devised to keep running away from myself. To keep avoiding myself, my thoughts and my feelings. Seemed ironical to me that a person, who kept advising others to accept things as they had happened in the past and move on, was unable to put his own words to practice.

Now when I see myself, I am no longer the person I was a couple of years back. I no longer have the endless list of friends. No longer do I stretch myself and do anything remotely thoughtful. I have turned into a slight introvert. I like to spend time with myself. There are periods of long silence that I often go through and there is nothing grand about them, they don’t carry any spiritual or higher significance. Those are spells in which I merely do not have anything to express or to share with others around me.

I haven't as yet figured out a way to reconcile with a thousand thoughts from my past and the feelings that they invoke whenever they cross my mind. And I am not even remotely close to finding a solution.

Sometimes knowledge can be a burden. You know there is a problem and you know there is a solution to it and you know how to get started and still you are standing still. There is no reason to it. There is no explanation to it.

Nietzsche has said - "He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how".

I stand on the opposite end of it - I am aware of the how but I cannot figure out the why. And this is not just a head spin of the famous quote that I have done here. I have overcome my lack of creative inspiration by borrowing words from a great philosopher and re-arranging them. This is my problem statement.

I think that the only way to get started maybe to start with my personal search for meaning. I don’t think that I am the only one who has encountered this kind of dilemma. No wonder "Who am I?" is the question that people have been asking for centuries.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Incomplete silence

Incomplete silence
and melody

Incomplete loss
and totality

Incomplete lies
and me


It amuses me that even this piece of writing comes out of me when there is just one minute to midnight. 11:59 PM 7/26/2009, reads the time stamp on notepad. A minute more would have made it complete, total and full, but as the case is, that wasn't just meant to be.

Falling short of something is a strange feeling. You are not sure whether you should be happy about the fact that you made it so far, or crash down thinking that it was so close. Incomplete is a perceptive word. Half full, is also at the same time half empty.

There is a silence that sometimes engulfs me between thoughts and its incompleteness leave me wondering. Its a neither a silence of wordlessness nor that of thoughtlessness. Its something in between, just hanging there. And I am not sure what lies beyond.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Off to Leh

Taking the first big personal break in almost 6 years of working life. Never taken at most more than a weekend and that too only started to happen in the last two years. But this time I am off to Leh. This is a full ten day trip which includes the following -

Mumbai - Srinagar (Flight)
Srinagar - Kargil - Leh (By Road with overnight hault at Kargil)
Leh (and lots of places around it for 4 days)
Leh - Jammu (spending a day in Jammu)
Jammu - Mumbai (by Train)

I am trying to make myself feeling excited/ thrilled about it, but haven't been able to succeed so far. May be such feelings will kick in after the journey starts (as happened in the Korigarh trek)). Really looking forward of it to happen. As I want to unwind and abandon myself, at least for a while.

Friday, July 03, 2009

Trek to Korigarh (27 June 2009)

Trek to Korigarh

(Click on the picture to view the web album)

An impromptu trek. My second one till date. Experienced the first rain of the season. Drenched myself and hoped that it would wash away all my blues.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

My No Brainer Tweets

Original tweets available on -

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Saturday, June 13, 2009

My No Brainer Tweets

Original tweets available on -

  • 11:11 My No Brainer Tweets: Original tweets available on - 11:19 My No Brainer Tweets: Origi.. #
  • 13:27 begining work on a slow and tired note... #
  • 13:38 @twilightfairy wait till u'r next door neighbour blows it apart by hiking the sal. by 50 bucks... #
  • 15:01 feeling slow, sleepy, sloppy... #
  • 15:59 My Daily Twittascope - #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Friday, June 12, 2009

My No Brainer Tweets

Original tweets available on -

  • 11:19 My No Brainer Tweets: Original tweets available on - 11:37 My No Brainer Tweets: Origi.. #
  • 15:23 why are excel spreadsheets so cold & logic driven... when i smile at it to break some ice why cant is simply make my life a bit easier... #
  • 15:35 why does excel play such a pivotal role in my life ? #
  • 20:42 damn pissed.... DAMN P.I.S.S.E.D #
  • 20:49 back to one more client call.... why ??? #
  • 20:50 @maverickdee yeah... but before that we have a damn crappy today to live thru... #
  • 21:12 Solar powered cellphones now in India - #
  • 21:27 @sidin true... btw have u tried .... its one of the best that i have come across... #
  • 21:30 longing for a walk... #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Thursday, June 11, 2009

My No Brainer Tweets

Original tweets available on -

  • 11:37 My No Brainer Tweets: Original tweets available on - 11:27 My No Brainer Tweets: Origi.. #
  • 15:02 I use to so much like Rediff Portfolio... but now it has considerably slowed down... and they dont bother to reply to a feedback.. #
  • 15:10 @bajpairupali dont really think so... half the suburbs are in a mess due to the metro/ skywalks/ monorail constructions... #
  • 15:11 @xxKyroSxx its an online service offered by to monitor u'r stock portfolio.. #
  • 15:20 @sanjukta she is such a big media-hogger... doesn't leave any opportunity to grab media bandwidth...for the rest we have 24 hr news channels #
  • 15:21 feeling great after a light lunch :) #
  • 15:29 @sanjukta jazbaat... #
  • 15:37 @maverickdee maverickdee is a busy bee... #
  • 15:44 @maverickdee keep buzzing :) #
  • 16:40 struggling with tedious data compilation activity... #
  • 16:41 My Daily Twittascope - #
  • 18:13 @sdeepshikha which ones ? #
  • 18:15 getting a dizzy feeling... as thoughts keep running in circles... #
  • 18:20 In 3 mnths,Rs 100 could grow to Rs 1.9 cr in Indian stock market -> brilliant post-facto analysis as always #
  • 20:34 mid- week mania... two client calls... one presentation... one dashboard... and no brain left :( #
  • 22:09 @sidin but use to work when we were kids... guess gen next has become smarter... #
  • 22:12 grrr... why do clients have to pre-pone calls by 15 mins... don't they understand that towards the deadline every SECOND counts... #
  • 23:22 @shekharpati so finally u figured out... :) #
  • 23:51 only @shekharpati has the capability to link edward de bono & lord krishna... NOW can u explain the relation... #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

My No Brainer Tweets

Original tweets available on -

  • 11:27 My No Brainer Tweets: Original tweets available on - 07:45 My No Brainer Tweets: Origi.. #
  • 11:27 My No Brainer Tweets: Original tweets available on - 14:53 back to work :( # 16:52 had.. #
  • 14:25 I have developed an addiction for curd rice it seems... actually not bad for the horrible, hot, humid Mumbai summer... #
  • 15:43 @maverickdee#
  • 16:03 feeling a sudden urge to go for a walk... but the heat outside is such a dampner... wht to do ? #
  • 16:32 walk in fresh air felt so good :) #
  • 16:33 @maverickdee enjoy till the feeling lasts :P #
  • 16:42 end of a 4 yr old relationship.... my earphone died :( #
  • 16:43 <heart broken> #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

My No Brainer Tweets

Original tweets available on -

  • 14:53 back to work :( #
  • 16:52 had a late lunch of maggi dal-atta noodles and pooran-poli ( #
  • 18:02 I hate mondays. Mondays in office, I mean..... #
  • 23:14 Monday gyan - #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Monday, June 08, 2009

My No Brainer Tweets

Original tweets available on -

  • 07:45 My No Brainer Tweets: Original tweets available on - 08:15 My No Brainer Tweets: Origi.. #
  • 12:31 after a great saturday... woke up late... finished tea... now time for some sunday cooking :) #
  • 12:35 Its Rajma ( - Chawal (Boiled Rice) day :D #
  • 23:57 @bajpairupali awesome.... so very true.... #
  • 00:14 had an awesome weekend... totally relaxing and rejunvenating... PS: cooking for sure is a great stress buster :) #
  • 00:37 test tweet via gtalk... #
  • 00:39 FINALLY able to link gtalk ->twitter thanks to #
  • 00:40 so now its gtalk-> twitter-> facebook-> blogger :D #
  • 00:47 feeling geeky ♛ #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Sunday, June 07, 2009

My No Brainer Tweets

Original tweets available on -

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Saturday, June 06, 2009

My No Brainer Tweets

Original tweets available on -

  • 08:02 My No Brainer Tweets: Original tweets available on - 07:34 My No Brainer Tweets: Origi.. #
  • 15:52 @maverickdee translation plz... #
  • 15:54 #folkmusic listen to random snippets of indian folk music... #
  • 15:58 wow... the album that I am listening to was recorded in 1950s - #folkmusic #
  • 16:07 #folkmusic... World Library of Folk and Primitive Music V. 7: India... can be listened online as well - #
  • 16:28 sufi music is to spiritual, blissful and uplifting at the same time... its sheer joy to listen to #NusratFatehAliKhan live recordings... #
  • 18:04 0.5 day to weekend... #
  • 18:09 @pranav4x4 plz chk, verify, confirm.. and then let me know the how... ;) #
  • 18:20 Thanks to discovering more ways of linking gtalk-facebook-twitter- #
  • 01:49 finally a week full of work, stress and emotions comes to an end... have to wake up early to attend a marriage at the other of Mumbai :( #
  • 01:49 y do people decide to get married on a saturday morning ??? #
  • 01:58 tired and yet not feeling sleepy :( #
  • 02:08 hoping to catch up on some rest and peace this weekend... #
  • 02:21 on with orkut/ facebook friend list purging exercise... #
  • 02:30 time to shut my eyelids... and hope to catch some sleep... #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Friday, June 05, 2009

My No Brainer Tweets

Original tweets available on -

  • 07:34 My No Brainer Tweets: Original tweets available on - 07:35 My No Brainer Tweets: Origi.. #
  • 17:01 1.5 days to weekend... #
  • 17:33 Still get goosebumps reading this- Stay hungry, stay foolish- #SteveJobs #
  • 19:45 @denharsh making money online :) #
  • 20:12 russian salad sandwich with chat masala for snacks... call it fusion food ;) #
  • 21:25 @deepaknautiyal thank you sir :) #
  • 21:37 nothing can beat the feeling sudden spurts of happiness bring... only caveat being they come with an expiry, and have to be enjoyed asap :) #
  • 23:59 @pranav4x4 approved :) #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Thursday, June 04, 2009

My No Brainer Tweets

Original tweets available on -

  • 07:35 My No Brainer Tweets: Original tweets available on - 07:33 My No Brainer Tweets: Origi.. #
  • 13:45 why do i exactly start feeling hungry the moment i decide not to order lunch and others have already placed there orders :( #
  • 15:09 finally... food delivered 45 mins after ordering... finished it off in less than 5 mins... happy and full :D #
  • 15:17 the left click and track pad on my laptop suddenly decide to take a break... #
  • 15:36 why is re-start the only miracle solution for almost all windows related woes ??? #
  • 16:48 @maverickdee not showing on u'r face :P #
  • 16:52 sleepy, restless and feeling like running away from office... #
  • 17:09 mid- week blues.... #
  • 18:05 @GautamGhosh wow... #
  • 18:11 listening #PinkFloyd after a real long time... #
  • 18:23 @GautamGhosh very well said... innovation is a different way of looking at the same thing... #
  • 18:25 #PinkFloyd Great gig in the sky... is mystical... layered with meanings and emotions... #
  • 18:56 #PinkFloyd... And if your head explodes with dark foreboardings too, I'll see you on the dark side of the moon ... #quote #
  • 21:30 on the verge of a splitting headache... #
  • 22:13 grateful to have an uneventful day... #
  • 00:35 @sanjukta naah... was too busy watching madhuri ;) #
  • 02:15 like "system restore" why can't there be a "life restore" option, come to think of it do i really have a "last known good configuration" ??? #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

My No Brainer Tweets

Original tweets available on -

  • 07:33 My No Brainer Tweets: Original tweets available on - 07:25 My No Brainer Tweets: Origi.. #
  • 14:35 some more slogging for todays client meet... #
  • 17:39 final draft leaves my inbox... phew... #
  • 17:50 @sidin seems to be his holding company :P #
  • 18:02 मेरा प्रथम हिंदी tweet hindi# #
  • 18:03 google transliteration rocks #hindi #
  • 18:05 wont it be cool if twitter adds a transliteration option... ne views ??? #hindi #
  • 18:09 has a wallpaper in the background... so funny for a #searchengine #
  • 18:11 almost seems like a travel portal #searchengine #bing #
  • 18:17 delhi6 #inappropriatemovies #
  • 18:18 ek #inappropriatemovies #
  • 18:46 My mind is temporarily unable to service any request due to maintenance downtime and/or capacity problems... #
  • 20:06 reason for another tweet.... completed 100 tweets :) #
  • 20:32 time for one more boring conference call.... #
  • 20:36 @deepakshenoy anyone can sound smart in a post-facto analysis... #
  • 20:38 @twilightfairy ye delhi hai meri jaan.... #
  • 20:59 my latest survival mantra... i vent, therefore i am... #
  • 01:14 finally people started noticing my tweet updates on facebook :) #
  • 01:31 so glad to find things still under control after the forever long client call.... #
  • 02:01 expecting work load to be at a moderate level for till the end of the week now... hopefully... (fingers crossed) #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

My No Brainer Tweets

Original tweets available on -

  • 07:25 My No Brainer Tweets: Original tweets available on - 08:48 Saturday evening at Gorai b.. #
  • 14:31 hunger for food and hunger for work striking at the same time ;) #
  • 15:12 had a nice lunch of curd rice, jeera rice and tava pulao (shared between 4 people) :o) #
  • 15:29 its so funny to read stock analyst commentaries... when markets move up they tell u to wait... when down you are advised to stay away... #
  • 16:02 #stocks indian stock markets heating up again... time for long term investors to sit tight... #
  • 16:05 @bajpairupali the way education loans are moving soon they will be at par with personal loans... cheaper to afford a car than pursue studies #
  • 18:18 what better way of protesting than non-tax payers burning taxpayers money (read trains) #
  • 18:19 and what better way to show responsibility than the minister in-charge taking no ownership #
  • 19:22 @sidin the official website- has some pics.. #
  • 20:23 first wave of work pressure hitting :( #
  • 20:48 excel shortcuts are like an interesting girlfriend... always something new to discover ;) #
  • 20:53 excel shortcuts are like an enticing girlfriend.....throwing new surprises... hinting at possibilities... :P #
  • 21:06 awesome spoof.... hotel kerela fornia - #
  • 22:12 slog stage 1 over... #
  • 23:44 slog stage 2 started... #
  • 03:15 signing off after a real loooong day... #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Monday, June 01, 2009

My No Brainer Tweets

Original tweets available on -

  • 08:48 Saturday evening at Gorai beach: Had a great time at Gorai beach with Chirag, Kaushal and Niswarth. Never knew t.. #
  • 05:10 sleepless in mumbai :( # 05.. #
  • 16:28 feels great to clear the backlog of catching up with friends :) #
  • 01:08 email reminder from IRCTC to renew my local train season ticket online... WOW #
  • 01:22 cant believe I am hungry AGAIN... #
  • 01:30 after almost over-stuffing myself at McDonalds... wondering where have 2 burgers, 1 med. ice tea and medium french fries vanished :( #
  • 01:32 after careful consideration (of 30 sec) instant pasta wins over instant noodles... #
  • 01:34 song track currently playing- "Zoombie"... seems my laptop is mocking me ;) #
  • 01:35 @maverickdee seems u had some serious fun :P #
  • 01:37 @xxKyroSxx kind of bored of eating noodles... #
  • 01:39 @xxKyroSxx :P #
  • 01:42 @xxKyroSxx yup... almost entire last week was on a staple diet of noodles for lunch... #
  • 01:48 @xxKyroSxx out here in India there are some interesting (read spicy) favours available for instant noodles... #
  • 01:52 yeah lot more... even for a vegetarian like me #noodles #
  • 01:58 content (full) again :) #
  • 02:09 @xxKyroSxx (thumbs up) the effort is worth it... go for it.. :) #
  • 02:14 time for bed... hope to wake up in the morning all charged up to handle the madness of monday to friday... #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Sunday, May 31, 2009

My No Brainer Tweets

Original tweets available on -

  • 05:10 sleepless in mumbai :( #
  • 05:31 finally twitter -> blogger linkage working... phew... #
  • 05:33 will try to catch up on some sleep... although its almost day break.... #
  • 00:49 friday night out... 4 hrs sleep... random business plan brainstorming with trusted friends... trip to an undiscovered beach... #
  • 00:51 best sunset view in months... adventure trail back... meeting a school friend... group dinner... all in all... an awesome saturday :) #
  • 02:53 sunset views.... #
  • 03:00 log off process of the mind starting... 5 minutes remaining :) #
  • 03:01 nice slumber to follow... #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Saturday evening at Gorai beach

Had a great time at Gorai beach with Chirag, Kaushal and Niswarth. Never knew that such a wonderful place existed so near to the place that I had been living for more than a year now. Anyways, better late than never.

Enjoyed the sunset melting away to dusk in the sea, while the beautiful sound of waves played an enchanting background music. The feeling of calmness that I experienced there almost made me feel that I was meditating with my eyes wide open. Spend close to two hours there completely soaking the silence.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

My No Brainer Tweets

  • 08:18 Tweet Summary: This is the TEST shipment you asked for 15:23 I couldn't find a tweet to post for loudtwitter # 1.. #
  • 15:26 if the week starts with monday morning blues, should end with friday evening electric blues :) #
  • 05:10 sleepless in mumbai :( #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter Original tweets available on -

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Tweet Summary

This is the TEST shipment you asked for

  • 15:23 I couldn't find a tweet to post for loudtwitter #
  • 15:23 So I posted this. #
Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Storm in a teacup...

It all started with this -

A simple snap taken for a even simpler reason, kill time while sitting in the cafeteria. For some odd reason started to feel good seeing the snap. The elation resulted in a long winding random conversation and a plan.

The plan to have a night out bang in the middle of a work week.

And wonder of all wonders, work stopped trickling earlier than I had expected. A gang of four, pushed off from office early, had a nice easy flowing dinner consisting of an elelectic combination of soup, roasted baby corn, chinese choupsey, pav bhajji, veg chesse pizza, mango milk shake and ice cream. Headed to Prajakta's new rented, spic and span apartment.

Had hours of irrelevent conversation, leg pulling and TV watching. Finally pushed off at 5 am.

This was such a welcome break for me. Only realised its impact when, the very first thing I did after reaching office was to post the following tweet-

getting infected by positivity: had been gasping for breath for long, and suddenly encountered a blast of fresh air... blown off the feet...

A lot of times I have been accused of turning melodramic all of a sudden, for no particular reason. I agree and accept that charge fully without contest. This was my temporary break from sanity, I let my mind wander and I had a blast.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

life is...

At times life seems nothing more than a series of rhetorics. Everything seems to be beautifully fitting and yet I am at the loss of understanding. And the mind becoming nothing more than a black box, which records each and every conversation and action, but is at a complete loss to understand as well as derive any shred of sense or meaning out of it.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Icecream effect...

This is what happens when I get an large cup of ice-cream to eat, all by myself ;)

The good boy pose

The offensive starts

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Idea of a Perfect weekend...

Simple joys of life are like highly perishable commodities. We need to savour them right away or else they are gone, forever. Just like an icecream which if held for long will start to melt, loose its form and soon perish.

Have lost so many of such moments, decide to go ahead and atleast put one of it to use.

Mom gave me a surprise vist. Reached here on friday evening. Instead of asking her to take a auto and reach home on her own, despite my crazy workload, decided to rushed off, picked her from station, had a quick dinner on the way and then reached home. Although I had to work pretty late through the night, but felt that the effort was worth it.

On saturday went grocery shopping with her. Picked up Paneer and Jowar bhakari (a maharashtrian roti preperation made from millets) on the way home. While mom was relaxing, dashed to the kitchen and made Paneer Makhanwala. For a pleasent surprise in ended up almost the way I was expecting it to look and taste and the best part was even mom was impressed. Experienced a few moments of unadulterated happiness.  

Small joy... lived and enjoyed to the fullest :)

Facebook says...

After a never ending series of Osho says, for a change, here is what Facebook has to say about me-

Ashutosh took the What's your geek level? quiz and the result is Tech Support

Result says: You're almost there, but not quite. Its all about the gadgets, the gizmos and developing your own website in your spare time.

my nobrainer: Yeah. No doubts and second thoughts about it. I love to drool about gadgets and myself to be a tech nerd.

Ashutosh took the how much of a math geek r u?? quiz and the result is total geek

Result says: dude..u are perfet at math!! being a geek isnt that shows ur smartness:)

my nobrainer: Happy once again :)

Ashutosh completed the quiz "What's your ideal career?" with the result Creative Arts (Artist/Writer/Actor/Musician).

Result says: Congratulations! You are destined to be involved in the Creative Arts! You are a creative, vibrant and outgoing individual who would prefer being self employed rather than live your life under the shadow of a boss or employee. Sitting in a small office all day is definitely not your cup of tea either as you would rather work in an open and pro-active environment where you can sit back, relax, and let the creative juices flow....

my nobrainer: Now this is something that strikes a deeper chord. A never ending yearning re-kindled one again

Ashutosh completed the quiz "WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE?" with the resultYou are an Angel in Human form..

Result says: “Just your presence is a blessing to those around you, your positive attitude is implacable and radiates change for the better in everything you do and to those around you but everything in its time thus although you may not immediately be aware of your gift everything you do, have done and are about to do is destined to enrich you in a multitude of ways. You have been put on this earth to make a difference use your gift wisely.”.

my nobrainer: YAY. What better thing could I have discovered about myself :) certainly brightened up a working weekend. A truely noble purpose of life, befitting my grand aquarian dream.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

What is right ?

Right and wrong are questions of morality and social relevance, that play a pivotal role in our lives. Being a social entity, there is a tremendous amount of shaping that happens, our thoughts and behaviours (external atleast) are to a very large extent governed by the do's and dont's that we have internalised over the period of our life span. However, there comes a time in our life when we find ourselves in a situation where there is a clear conflict between our commonly accepted notion of right and what the mind finds and thinks should be right. This is the exact contradiction that I have been facing for a very very long time. This strife is not just related to one particular incident but has expanding its tentacles to so many parts of my life that it has now become almost second nature for me to have parallel thoughts running in my head. There is no resolution to this that I have been able to find.

As usual I turned to Osho, looking for his nuggets of spiritually incorrect wisdom. Here is what he says about this -

Osho says -

What is my definition of right?

That which is harmonious with existence is right, and that which is
disharmonious with existence is wrong. You will have to be very alert each
moment, because it has to be decided each moment afresh. You cannot depend on
readymade answers for what is right and what is wrong.

Disappointingly, this time around I could not find solace is his words. At a macro level this might hold true, but them looking at it from my perspective, it still falls short of being deemed as a solution.

My passage through life has been one of disharmony. Infact, thats the only way I have progressed. Everytime when there has been a disharmony (real or perceived) in my life, it has motivated me towards progress. My entire existence is an exercise in resistance. There where is the question of finding the balance and equilibrium. When entire life has been nothing more than an unstable equilibrium where does the question of harmony arise. Its like talking about balancing a deck of cards on a pencil which itself is standing on its tip.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

No Brainer...

The oft repeated cliché in the blogsphere is inability to write a post due to mental block. People (including me) go to vast streches to emphasize that the reason behind the same is a writer’s block, busy schedule or whatever else that can be thought of as a external detriment beyond our control.

However, I came across a strange realization last night. Yesterday, I had all the time to waste (read muse and ponder) and yet despite a urge to write was unable to do so. 

Infact, have been unable to come up with a decent post in quite a while now. Indicating utter lack of original thinking and a sudden drop in the ability to introspect.

As I approached from the symptom towards the cause, I was amused with the realizations, to say the least.

The reason why I was unable to write a post last night was my inability to think in a clear and precise manner. It was a simple inability of my brain to use its cognitive faculty. However, on digging slightly deeper I realized that this wasn't something that I could have control over. It was mind over matter. A very conscious action on the part of the mind to refuse to think.

I could feel the vast undercurrents of thoughts (rather no-thoughts) kept floating around.

I think therefore I am, is an assertion which was my cornerstone for a long time.

Now the counter-point seems to have set in. 

Is it for better or for worse ? As always, I dont know.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Idea of a perfect weekend

Attending a college batchmate's marriage on saturday-

Sleeping like a log thru the sunday morning, followed by a mug full of ginger tea, finishing the sunday newspaper back-to-back :)

Movies watched-

Syriana - A geo-political thriller based on the oil cartel politics and the massive power play involved. 

Magicians - A light hearted drama-comedy movie, with loads of sub-dued british style humour. 

Friday, February 06, 2009

Pulp fiction

After so much wishful thinking, finally attending the Kala Ghoda Art Festival which is organised by the Kala Ghoda Association. This has become a annual feature which attracts artists and audience from far and wide. 

I registered myself for a workshop on pulp-fiction. I have always been fasinated by this form literature. Pulp-fiction is created for purely for commercial consumption. This is a form of writing which has been created for the masses. Its a complete anti-thesis of convetional literarture which is exists to fulfill much higher and nobler causes. Art for the masses sake, thats what it can be called. 

This form of writing has been hugely pouplar in the vernacular medium. There was a big wave of pulp fiction in the 1970s and 80s. Noted columnist Mrinal Pande has written an interesting article on - The life and death of Hindi puld fiction

Really looking forward to some enjoyable time this weekend :)

And yet again, one more idea for a perfect sunday (and saturday as well)

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

dreams and life...

the a/c keeps me cold
the brights lights keep me numb
the breathing goes on and i keep living
the bright surreal dream

Thursday, January 22, 2009

In the name of religion...

For the last two days there is a constant menice going on in full swing behind our office. In the posh residential housing complex (rental for 2BHK starting at Rs. 50k per month) situated just behind our office building there is some sadhu who is in full action, catering to the religious idiosyncracies of the rich and the wannabes. 

I rarely use such harsh words, and mostly pefer to be in a state of happy indifference, but the status-quo was broken by a headache and irritation resulting from the loudspeakers blaring so called bhajans, which by the way have been composed on the latest hindi movie music (read Himesh et. al.).

Two things struck me -
  • The business acumen of these so called "religious preachers". Really admire the way they have sliced and diced the market and done the market segmentation of religious disclosures (or similar sounding). And within it, identified a niche for themselves in the form of the affluent upper middle class people. 
  • The cacophony to which people are ready to sumbit themselves in the name of religion. 
At times I think, expecting a basic level of maturity from people when they act as a member of a group (submitting themselves to herd mentality) is probably too much to ask for.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Free advice...

We all are surrounded by so many well-wishers who want to fix a thousand things in us. But little does anyone realise, that beyond a certain point, which is, after the age of 12; we tend to develop a fair understanding of what is right. 

And by the time we mature into adulthood, we absolutely know how things ought to be in our life. And in complete awareness of the fact, we behave the way that we behave. Yet have to keep going through the motions of listening to so much of gyan from others on how should our lives be.

How useful it would have been if anyone pointed out how exactly to reach where ever they want us to, things would be so much better. But again that would start yet another round of circular conversation :p


There have been a zillion interpretation of this word, its meaning and implication. Just to add to this chaos, here is my take on the same-

Relationship is something that is build piece by piece, one experience at a time. Let it flourish on its own and take its own natural course. There is a lot that can be learned in this journey. And lot to un-learn. There is so much that it un-burdens and so much that its ingrains. 

Just enjoy the journey and breathtaking pathway that forms.

PS: Thanks Aradhna

After thoughts: Only after writing it I realised that the term relationship and its definition (offcourse the one thats my brainwave ;) ) has such a deeper implication. Relationship isn't just confined to two people involved romantically. A relationship has to developed with oneself, with ones surrounding and the people for whom we care. It has to be nurtured, pruned and maintained with utmost love, care and affection. 

So many times we find ourselves so engrossed in looking out for external relationships that we often forget to seek inner harmony and hence loose out on much more than what can be ever gained externally.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Idea of a perfect sunday...

Visiting a friends place on saturday afternoon... 
random raoming through the evening, late into the night... 
make a perfect plan for the sunday morning... 

waking up late ;)

feeling dejected and walking out for tea...
sudden urge to head towards the seaface...
picking up two newspapers on the way... 

finding a perfect bench in the shade...
idea of reading the newspaper vanishes in ten mins flat... 
stretch on the bench and have a luxury nap...

feeling the breeze...
sunlight filtering thru the leaves....
gazing at the open blue sky...

head towards the sea....
sit on the rocks...
soak my feet...

hear the waves...
see a lone seagull soaring... 
into the vast expanse...

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Template goof up...

Seems that in one more valent effort to move from two-column to three-cloumn blog template I have somehow managed to screw all the widgets :(

Have backed up the previous version of the same, but feeling completely lost...

Monday, January 05, 2009


Somethings never change.

No matter how much you pep talk with yourself. Go through the entire hoop-la of bidding adieu to the past with the year thats gone by and welcoming the new year with excitment and a fresh mind set. There is onething that never goes... 


Grab this Widget ~ Blogger Accessories