Friday, December 11, 2009


Finally after more than a week of wait, I am publishing this chain of thoughts as it is. There are too many missing links in the flow and too much has been left unsaid. However, I believe letting it stay back any longer is not going to solve the purpose. So here goes one more post in an attempt to understand myself and my experiment with silence. I think I have forewarned enough about the incoherence of thoughts and expressions to explain further J

For most of us silence is a very unsettling experience. Especially if it is for a prolonged period of time. We tend to re-act to silence by trying to run away from it the best we can. Ironically as it might be but silence makes us more restless and fidgety. I for one for a major part have been that ways.

Only off late have noticed a gradual change in me from being uncomfortable and afraid of it I have been moving towards phases of mindful silence. I call it so because these are phases when I am merely an observant. Fully aware and being passive (by choice), just letting silence unroll.

It has not been an easy roll out till date. The emotional turmoil which I am going through keeps coming to the surface, resulting in a struggle between keeping peace and once again letting the vicious chain of thoughts take control.

Just came across this sentence in a book on Zen Buddhism

Mindfulness is an energy that can hold the suffering, the anger, the despair, if you know how to hold your suffering for long enough, you get relief.

After going through a prolonged period of suffering and being emotionally drained out in the last few months, my only hope is letting silence take control and show me the path of healing. Putting these thoughts into words has not been an easy task for me. Being an introvert, all my struggles and conflicts as well as the source of their solution always lies inside. However this time I know this is not going to work for me. I am gathering the courage to bring it out step by step. I seek solutions and understanding which lies beyond me and bring the lost harmony.

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