Being a sceptic forever, I am really stumped when someone asks to describe the best day in my life. Still lack a perfect answers for that, but in the recent past, undoubtebly 2nd Jan 2007 will go down with this credit. Three good things happening in the same day is too much for me to discard. So after a long time acknowledging the fact that even I can enjoy guilt free happiness.
First working day of the year, went to my training company with rock bottom hopes. And found that I have been allotted of the best projects I could hope for. Again a part of me kept kicking all through the day, stopping me, mentally kicking, but I guess there is one more quality that I possess I had long forgotten that came to the fore... which is being an absolute sentimentalist.
And happened to see a movie -> Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind , about which I am too shaken to comment. One movie which I dont think will be able to forget in a hurry. Right now too thrilled with it to comment further. Now I came to realise why it was voted amongst the top 100 spiritual movies till date. Watching it was an enrichment for me. Only minor regret is that I watched it alone.
So, back to some re-affirmations... here are snippets of a conversation that I had soon after, with a friend whom I bumped into after an interval of time...
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Ashutosh: pata nahi kyun but felt happy today after a long time
xxxxxxx: :)
Ashutosh: its kinda feeling thts hard to describe
xxxxxxx: elated?
Ashutosh: cant find a cause/root
nahi yaar
something deeper
xxxxxxx: this feeling that finally things are falling into place...
and yet nothing on the face of it has moved?
Ashutosh: probably
yeah
metamorphosis
xxxxxxxx: of what?
Ashutosh: of self
xxxxxxxx: from wat to wat?
Ashutosh: u might find it strange... but i am feeling happy in a way when i defeat myself... my outer self...
and break the shackles i hav set for myself
xxxxxxxx: its not strange..
Ashutosh: which no one ever has been able to even move
xxxxxxxx: people who have feltlonely have often felt this way on accomplishing somehting like this all on their own mettle
Ashutosh: yeah but also at the same time i am afriad to express it
xxxxxxxx: afraid to express happiness?
Ashutosh: i fear that i may loose it
xxxxxxxx: that it will go away?
Ashutosh: haan
xxxxxxxx: wat use is it if u dont share..
share it..
let more ppl know that youre happy..
Ashutosh: has happened all too often in my life
xxxxxxxx: even if it lasts a few moments..
Ashutosh: for years at a strech
xxxxxxxx: it'll have lived a bigger life..
happiness never comes for long..
but it can come in a large quantum, boss
and its your responsibiloty to make it big
go ahead..call a few freinds
party out..go out for a sumptuous dinner
keep awake till as long as u like..
sleep it off tomorrow morning till whenever..
Ashutosh: geez.. i am already feelin so nice
thanks
xxxxxxxx: torture u'rself by indulging
believe me, when u r done with this, u'll wanna start
working like a workoholic
:)
Ashutosh: yeah
i felt so damn alive today
xxxxxxxx: :)
so wat was the reason for the happiness?
or is it one of those stupid grins that one gets one fine morning..?
Ashutosh: naah...got a nice project... something i wanted to do but had stopped thinking abt.... reasoned myself out of it... sayin that its not practical... aand today whn i was offered a proj in HRMS... no matter hw hard i tried... cudnt stop myself frm sayin yesafter that was mentally kickin myself all afternoonstill feelin happywas almost grinnin like a fool
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How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd ...
- Eloisa to Abelard
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Those were the best days of my life...
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