Window Sill

Captivity, muted growth, crammed spaces, sunshine and hope. Sometimes a picture can capture so much in a single frame. Then as a after-thought I wonder is this a reflection of the state of my mind.

Happy Diwali

Wishing all a warm, loving and prosperous Diwali & great year ahead. 

Amidst (I was tempted to say "Instead", guess I am gradually but surely turning into a puritan :) ) all the shopping, decorations, crackers, texting, calling and euphoria, lets also may an attempt to imbibe the festival in its true spirit. I realized this as I was writing, the rituals of Diwali and all other Hindu festivals also have so many layers of symbolism in them e.g.cleaning, so much effort goes into cleaning and decoration, if only we put similar efforts to clean and unburden ourselves of the emotional baggage and vicious circle of thoughts. 

Wikipedia page for Diwali has a beautiful explanation - While Diwali is popularly known as the "festival of lights", the most significant spiritual meaning is "the awareness of the inner light" 

May this Diwali also inspire us to discover the inner peace and awareness that we all aspire for.

TGIS

Wonderful lunch, a lazy saturday afternoon spent sleeping and in random nothingness followed again by some delicious home cooked dinner is all it takes to break the monotony of thoughts, anxiety and so many vicious circles that I tend to tangle myself in. I am glad to have discovered and realized this :)

Friday Rambling

Just when friday is dragging endlessly and I have already been bombarded by 39 emails (addressed directly to me, not counting the ones on which make I wonder why have I been marked in the first place), continuous flow of phone calls and vendor meetings, I come across a classic from Woody Allen

"Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem" - Woody Allen 

So what should I do when I have 30 more mins to go before the (office) day and (office) week ends and I realise that I have finally and unfortunately understood. And not just one understanding but have become a fountainhead of realization and that if I continue at this pace, might be hitting self-actualization much sooner than I intend to. After much deliberation, i.e. all that I can think in 2 mins flat, I decide. A decision that's so elegant and simple.

Put the "Add reminder" feature in Outlook to the best use, set a dozen reminders for the week ahead and with a freshly dry-cleaned conscience take a coffee break :P

The Infinite Loop

Mind cannot be still. It needs continuous thinking, worrying.

The mind functions like a bicycle; if you go on pedaling it, it continues.

The moment you stop the pedaling, you are going to fall down.

Mind is a two-wheeled vehicle just like a bicycle,

and your thinking is a constant pedaling.

-Osho

Above quote pretty much sums up my current state of mind. The restlessness and continuous rumination has entered into an infinite loop. 

Living on love and fresh air

Simple living still exits in the times of consumerism. Was reminded of this fact and an article which I had read a couple of years back -  http://www.downtoearth.org.in/node/3187  when I saw a similar article link posted on a friend's gtalk status message.

Although this kind of lifestyle is not possible in its entirety, however taking some inspiration from it and simplifying our lives, rather reducing our list of must-have things without which we think the world will cease to exist, is the very least that we can do.

Thanks once again Piu for posting the link :)  

Lessons

Why does life keep teaching me lessons which I never want / intend / wish to learn in the first place. 

This is one question that has kept intriguing me since a very long time. And every time a "learning" is added, it leaves me even more perplexed. An optimistic view will be to use each such instance as a learning. Extract something out of it, ruminate over it and add to your collective experience database. A pessimistic view will be to look up towards the sky and shriek "Why Me?". And then there is an entire gamut of people having a opinion which hangs somewhere in between.

However I have a viewpoint which doesn't fit into this continuum. At time I feel tired of the free and uncalled for (over)dose of adventures and wish for a dull and boring phase in my life. Is that too much to wish for ?

Dynamic stillness

Being a weekend I did not have to go through the alarm – snooze – snooze some more – OMG!!! I am late @#$%^& – swear some more – get ready – rush– office commute grind and had the luxury of getting up as I pleased. Made the best of this luxury by waking up well past the time by which I am usually at office. This is one simple and silly comparison always makes me feel good :)

The first thing I did after waking was opened all the windows. Thankfully the place where I stay is a peaceful one, which I think is a luxury in this maddening city. The brightness of the day, the soft clatter of the rain and the chirping of sparrows makes the perfect de-stress package for me. Always makes feel more relaxed and peaceful from inside. More so when I am aware that I have the luxury of time and can just sit near the window till as long as I feel and admire the rains, and don’t have to step out at all. These are the days when I truly enjoy the fabled Mumbai Monsoons.

Went through the tea – biscuit – newspaper routine. Once done with it, noticed outside the window, it was raining continuously in a steady flow. And sitting on the other side of the window, was me, with a thousand thoughts clattering my mind. The sound of the rains and the flow of thoughts in my head where at the exact same frequency and going on in an endless loop. Both of us enveloped in our own sweet obsession and compulsion.

And there right between me and the rains outside, sitting on the window ledge noticed the money-plant creeper sitting so very still, almost in a Zen like state, full of calmness and composure.

In my typical manner I would have loved to sermonize about it. But urge doesn’t seem to be there. Instead of obsessing myself to draw conclusions, for once I decided to enjoy this moment as it is, its dynamic stillness and share it just that way. 

On Pain and Love

In a workshop on "Self Healing through Creative Writing", that I attended last weekend during one of the exercises we were told to explore various themes in our lives and make space for them to surface and express themselves. This often is the first step towards closure. Catharsis through writing is something I had been  doing for a while but then over the last few months had totally stopped. This has lead to a strong feeling of frustration at my inability to express.

However over the course of this two day workshop, I took the courage to once again let the feelings take over and express themselves through words. Some of them came in a natural flow, whereas others are still in the process of taking shape.

Following a Haiku like structure, using word economy and visualization here is what I wrote on two central themes of my life -

On Pain -

Pain striked
Cold numbness followed
I kept breathing
Life moved on 

On love -

Your embrace
Tender and warm
Heals me
Completes me


There are also two verses that I wrote in Hindi, which I have also posted on my hindi blog - http://anubhutiyaa.blogspot.com/

जीवन 

चार कोस 

जीवन यात्रा 

प्रारब्ध, प्रारंभ

विस्मय और अंत 

शाम 

स्याह शाम में 

सिमट गयी 

सारे शेहेर की उदासी 

और मेरे मन का अँधेरा 

This was an attempt from my end to atleast get started with writing, the way I had done it in the past and hope to keep exploring and keep posting more.

Vicarious Happiness

Osho says - To know that all has failed is the beginning of a new journey. To know that "All that I have achieved is lost" is the beginning of a new search for something that cannot be lost. When one is utterly disillusioned with the world and all its successes, only then one becomes spiritual.