Lessons

Why does life keep teaching me lessons which I never want / intend / wish to learn in the first place. 

This is one question that has kept intriguing me since a very long time. And every time a "learning" is added, it leaves me even more perplexed. An optimistic view will be to use each such instance as a learning. Extract something out of it, ruminate over it and add to your collective experience database. A pessimistic view will be to look up towards the sky and shriek "Why Me?". And then there is an entire gamut of people having a opinion which hangs somewhere in between.

However I have a viewpoint which doesn't fit into this continuum. At time I feel tired of the free and uncalled for (over)dose of adventures and wish for a dull and boring phase in my life. Is that too much to wish for ?

Dynamic stillness

Being a weekend I did not have to go through the alarm – snooze – snooze some more – OMG!!! I am late @#$%^& – swear some more – get ready – rush– office commute grind and had the luxury of getting up as I pleased. Made the best of this luxury by waking up well past the time by which I am usually at office. This is one simple and silly comparison always makes me feel good :)

The first thing I did after waking was opened all the windows. Thankfully the place where I stay is a peaceful one, which I think is a luxury in this maddening city. The brightness of the day, the soft clatter of the rain and the chirping of sparrows makes the perfect de-stress package for me. Always makes feel more relaxed and peaceful from inside. More so when I am aware that I have the luxury of time and can just sit near the window till as long as I feel and admire the rains, and don’t have to step out at all. These are the days when I truly enjoy the fabled Mumbai Monsoons.

Went through the tea – biscuit – newspaper routine. Once done with it, noticed outside the window, it was raining continuously in a steady flow. And sitting on the other side of the window, was me, with a thousand thoughts clattering my mind. The sound of the rains and the flow of thoughts in my head where at the exact same frequency and going on in an endless loop. Both of us enveloped in our own sweet obsession and compulsion.

And there right between me and the rains outside, sitting on the window ledge noticed the money-plant creeper sitting so very still, almost in a Zen like state, full of calmness and composure.

In my typical manner I would have loved to sermonize about it. But urge doesn’t seem to be there. Instead of obsessing myself to draw conclusions, for once I decided to enjoy this moment as it is, its dynamic stillness and share it just that way. 

On Pain and Love

In a workshop on "Self Healing through Creative Writing", that I attended last weekend during one of the exercises we were told to explore various themes in our lives and make space for them to surface and express themselves. This often is the first step towards closure. Catharsis through writing is something I had been  doing for a while but then over the last few months had totally stopped. This has lead to a strong feeling of frustration at my inability to express.

However over the course of this two day workshop, I took the courage to once again let the feelings take over and express themselves through words. Some of them came in a natural flow, whereas others are still in the process of taking shape.

Following a Haiku like structure, using word economy and visualization here is what I wrote on two central themes of my life -

On Pain -

Pain striked
Cold numbness followed
I kept breathing
Life moved on 

On love -

Your embrace
Tender and warm
Heals me
Completes me


There are also two verses that I wrote in Hindi, which I have also posted on my hindi blog - http://anubhutiyaa.blogspot.com/

जीवन 

चार कोस 

जीवन यात्रा 

प्रारब्ध, प्रारंभ

विस्मय और अंत 

शाम 

स्याह शाम में 

सिमट गयी 

सारे शेहेर की उदासी 

और मेरे मन का अँधेरा 

This was an attempt from my end to atleast get started with writing, the way I had done it in the past and hope to keep exploring and keep posting more.

Vicarious Happiness

Osho says - To know that all has failed is the beginning of a new journey. To know that "All that I have achieved is lost" is the beginning of a new search for something that cannot be lost. When one is utterly disillusioned with the world and all its successes, only then one becomes spiritual.

I wish

In the mid-week madness of work, a thought kept hammering me all day through. Finally had to let it out :)

I have been in "I wish..." mode these days. And the latest in the series is -

I wish for new endings and old beginings

So long...

New (Year) Musings...

In an attempt to follow the broad based trend and to reinforce the pretense of being intelligent and a thinker, tried to reflect on the year gone by. This effort lasted for almost a fortnight. Jotted a few thoughts (read: some scrambled sentences) over this span. But it all turned out to be too random to be joined together and to be claimed coherent :P

So I decided to do something else, instead to trying to make so sense of everything past, trying to think of what are the things on which I can channelize my thoughts and energy in the year ahead. 

Its been a really long since the last time I wrote a new year resolution. However, as strange as it sound, this time around felt an inner urge to list a few goals towards I ought to be working on. Here are a few things on which I would like to focus in the year 2011 -

• Clear the clutter - There is a cobweb of thoughts that have been just there, have not taken too much effort to confront them. High time now to come out of this cognitive lethargy. Also, keep going in the effort to organize my financial paperwork.
• Think simple - Like I mentioned in my previous post, its often we who complicate the situation by adding our own coloured interpretations. In both, my personal and financial life, will try to control this as much as possible. 
• Live simple - To fill all the space that is created by simple thoughts and de-cluttering, with things that I enjoy to do the most.Creating a "personal space", reading regularly, listening to good music.
• Write more - Writing has been cathartic for me. Unfortunately last year lost the flow and also at times simply didn't put the effort. Will require the help of a few of my dear friends who have been a regular reader of this blog. Need them to give me the push required to get the flow back when I am stubborn and lazy.

Happy New Year - 2011