As I stand on one more crossroad and look forward for guidance I find some words of comfort from The Mother -
My life seems to be eventful as always. Just when I decide to call it quits at my job and take a short five day break before I am suppose to join my new job, the worst terror attack in the history of Mumbai happens.
I was holed up in my flat for three full days, feeling frustrated, angry and lost. The only relief was that I did not have a television at home and hence was saved from the mental agony of watching the gory pictures and the mindless reporting that consumed the minds of so many of my friends. As for all those who had a television at home, the un-ending sequence of events (gun shots, blasts, hostage situation) made the entire experience so full of anxietry that many of them spend the entire weekend brooding over it.
Its ironic that at times like this the major public broadcast mediums (TV & Radio) decide to supress these human emotions even furthur. All of them go over the top talking about the spirit of Mumbai, barely realising that the already stressed out common man of Mumbai, at testing times like thses instead of hiding behind the facade of bravado needs a vent.
I strongly believe that at times like these its ok to express and to acknowledge the emotions that play in ones mind. I for one felt sad, vulnerable, angry, victimised, frustrated and insecure. And I am not afraid to acknowledge, vent and get these feelings out of system.
Present: With the flow of words and the clarity of thoughts long lost in the mayhem of survival, I am only to posting to register in my thoughts that I exist. I have always wondered and will probably keep wondering as to why are people the way they are ? Prolog: The apathy which people show in there professional conduct really makes me wonder as what is it that drives them to behaving in such a fashion.lFlashback: July 31st 2008 holds a special significance for me, I completed six months at my current organisation and I slipped while boarding the local train both events have had a deep impact on me and will remain ingrained in my memory for a long time.Zooming back to present: For the past three months I have been under considerable amount of stress. There are multiple reasons for that, amongst them, the series of mindless events happening at workplace which have only added up to it. I have been in a state of mental deep frost for such a long time now its almost hurting to think.As has been a habit for me, moments after I start to recover from this pathetic mental state, by default I turn to Osho for some wisdom widgets. He is what he says –All that this world needs is a good cleansing of the heart of all the inhibitions of the past. And laughter and tears can do both. Tears will take out all the agony that is hidden inside you and laughter will take all that is preventing your ecstasy. Once you have learned the artyou will be immensely surprised.
And then I realise, in the past few months I have done neither (laughed or cried) for a real long time.
Osho says -
The mind is a great philosopher. And life is not a philosophy, life is a reality. And philosophy is an escape from reality; philosophy means thinking.
Life is — there is no question of thought. You can simply jump into it.
The ancient pond
a frog jumps in
the sound
Just like that, you can jump into this ancient pond of life.
You can know it only by jumping into it. There is no other way to know life;
thinking about it is the surest way to miss it
The mental imagery that these words create is remarkable.
It brings to mind the old fable of a frog who had lived his entire life in a well. For the frog the entire world was his well. Existence of something beyond the walls was something beyond his imagination. One fine day, upon being challenged by someone he stepped out of the well and what he encountered came as a real shock to him. The external reality threatened all his existing notions and needed a new perspective. Which, as is also the case with most of us, he did not have the courage to adapt to. And, like most of us, he decided to plunge back into to the safety and security of his well.
Life is motion.Yet, most of the time, all that we do is mere quasi-movement.
"We don't know who we are until we see what we can do"
Is that the answer to my quest for self-discovery ?
going off the web for the next 100 hrs
now this will be something interesting to observe ;)
Info on my native village -> Ganapur Village
OurVillageIndia.org is a portal which is bringing mine as well as scores of other villages on the internet. Nostalgia apart this is a great move towards making rural India convergent.
Alootechie, a popular portal on Indian Online Industry reports that -
A dedicated team of Indians and Indian Americans are developing OurVillageIndia.org that seeks to provide information about census data, geographic location, infrastructure facilities, local government, history, prominent people, interested volunteers, change-makers and NGOs for all the 600,000 plus villages of India.Here is the link to the original article ->
Working from a cool airconditioned room, as a management consultant and staying away from my hometown in Uttar Pradesh, I had in a way disconnected myself from the political realities there.
Today, a chance click at this article -> The woman with a fascinating personal story and a unique political style and reading through the well written article led my thoughts wandering in some many directions.
The socio-political strcuture of the state has gone through a very big tranformation in the last two decades. The role that regoinal parties now play over there is so strong that even the biggest national event hardly makes an impact (politically).
Last state elections in Uttar Pradesh have been the pinnacle of her success in understanding the psyche of the people of the state and have also been called as one of the biggest experiments in social engineering in the recent times. As this article points out - Mayawati's social engineering proving successful -
Nonetheless, this transformation reflects more an adaptation of the party to the
socio-political scene in Uttar Pradesh than a profound change of identity.
You must remember that her training was not of an ordinary politician.
Today marks the completion of five years of living on my own. I left home five years ago. Lived in 3 cities, landed up in 4 jobs, picked up a management degree somewhere in between. Relocated a mind numbing SIXTEEN times (still sounds unbelievable, but its a fact).
What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals - Zig Ziglar
I have yet to achieve my goals, however the journey so far has certainly taught me a lot. I have changed, for better or for worse is something that I will only be answer a couple of years later. The vision of life, how it should be, still drives me. I am imperfect, yet I search for perfection. Atlantis, utopia, delusion... have heard so many adjective for what I dream of life. Still it drives me. The facination is never going to end. Its like the gold rush that has driven so many people to a life of emotional roller-coaster, passion and madness.
Simplicity is the most difficult thing to achieve. As can also be infered by my writings as well ;) hence for a change I directed my thoughts to what others have to say. Was doing a search of quotes on "hurdles", was looking for some real kicka** stuff and found two which really shook me off the slumber-
I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games.
On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot... and
missed. And I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is
why... I succeed - Michael Jordan
See everything. Overlook a great deal. Improve a little —Pope John
XXIII
"The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity." - Helen Rowland
Reminded of the tagline- Just do it
And its popular spoof t-shirt tagline - Just did it
PS: Do ask...
Often the local train commute leaves me feeling cramped and exhausted. Today morning was a similar experience. Tried to think myself away from it. Tried all kind of thoughts, from humorous to cynical, even thinking about a previous post that I had written about this was of no help.
Read previous post here -> My daily commute in Mumbai local train
Getting philosophical in the mornings and feeling dead as a log on the way back home. And standing for an hour both ways doesn't help improving the mood either. Its really frustrating to see a train arrive fully packed at 10 pm. At times all this drives you insane, and things start to seem beyond comprehension. Then again, I realise that this the price that I have to pay for choosing to live and work in a metro.
Waiting for the day when this becomes a reality (atleast for me) -> Home Advantage
Photos taken from Bleu 551x Mobile camera (1.3 Mega pixel)
Its so good to see a positive trend that you have been tracking for sometime, to be on the rise.
Back in 2006, saw some changes happening in the BPO space in India. And for the first time saw the coming up of Rural BPO's - http://mynobrainers.blogspot.com/2006/12/rural-bpos.html
In a recent article Outlook Business has shortlisted this amongst 25 ideas that will change our lives.
Read full article here -> Rural BPOs have the potential to transform the employment landscape of Indian village
mehnat ka fal kabhi-kabhar namkeen bhi hota hai... saath mein crispy aaur tasty bhi :)
nothing can beat the taste of an aloo paratha... its a perfect sunday delight...
thanks Maneesha for the tag line ...
A fatalist will always leave things to chance. There is a comfort in living a life devoid of choices, or rather making someone else do that for you, be it your elder siblings, friends, parents, girlfriend, boyfriend, the higher power, angels, daemons, god. Letting someone else decide for you is a safety cushion. You don't have to evaluate options, calculate the risk/return and make a decision.
With so much of uncertainty around, at the best one can arrive at a mere informed guess through which at attempt is made to mitigate the unsystematic risk .
Finance teaches you to diversify unsystematic risk through diversification, whereas in real life situations its specification that works. The more you tends towards a situation with certainty (in your determination) the better equipped you are to handle/ face it and be in control.
So when the choices that we are making aren't really choices in absolute terms and the option of non-choice seems the easiest way out, then what to do (again a matter of choice).
Every living entity (except humans) have been programmed to follow a pattern in life- birth, growth, survival, breeding, feeding and dying. Its only we who have been left to (fatalist viewpoint) / given the opportunity to (individualistic viewpoint) evolve on our own, into whatever we can make of ourselves and opportunity that we have been given.
Its worth the time and effort to read and ruminate over the legendry presentation skills of Steve Jobs (Co-founder, CEO- Apple Inc.). Also, have a look at the video clip of the iPhone launch.
http://www.bnet.com/2403-13068_23-194984.html
Passion and charisma may not be an acquired skill, but you might be plain lucky even if a fraction of it brushes off on you.
I remember all four times when I received my first salary in the respective organisations. Each time it was special, and interestingly each time it meant a different thing, the spectrum spanning from excitement to relief to amusement to satisfaction.
30th June 2003 (Mumbai)
28th Feb 2005 (Noida)
31st May 2005 (Gurgaon)
30th April 2008 (Mumbai)
This time around its 701% over what I got the first time. And 109% over what I had got in my last organisation (pre PGDBA). Seems going to b-school wasn't that bad an option. The numbers seem to have taken into account the opportunity cost and have made it a risk adjusted return (after all shifting industries wasnt something I had conceived to be as easy).
Also, one more interesting trend is that each time the figure has approximately doubled. Wont really mind if the trend keeps going in the years to come, coz the CAGR happens to be 51.61 %
;)
:D
:)
So often we are told to look at the big picture. Live and understand life at the macro level. Looking at the broader trends certainly helps to see the general direction in which we are heading, but can it help take us there?
There is an analogy that strikes me -
A ships navigation system has two components- rudder and propeller.
Rudder which is a pad like structure gives direction, the ships moves in the direction opposite to which the rudder is pointed. Its so true with us as well, we always attempt to steer life the way we want it to go and then feel utterly frustrated when it moves in the converse direction. Our frustration is often because we looking from too short an angle to understand which path will this lead us to. As I often keep quoting "life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans".
That is where probably the element of destiny comes into play. Destiny is often defined as a predetermined course of events. Destiny as I see it, is not something that is hard-wired into our lives. Instead its the outcome of the all the input (thoughts and efforts) that we have put. Is it like a tool that has been provided to us for our understanding and betterment? A self-aware person who knows what he wants from life is more likely to get it, as, very early in his voyage of life he has set the rudder in the right direction.
Propeller is what pushes the ship forward. Its the thrust that is required to move in a set direction. Very often we know where we want to go, how we want out life to be, but lack the discipline and the willingness to head there. And this is where the smaller picture plays an important role. Our day to day life is a reflection of where we are heading in general, how much is the distance we have already covered and what direction we have chosen for ourselves.
Somewhere on the face of earth, my temp co-ordinates 19.229514,72.84163
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This happens to be one of the best sundays that I got to spend after such a long time. I really cant think of a more relaxing and de-stressing one in the last couple of months.
For a lot of people a holiday means to rush off to a mall, spurge on senseless shopping, rushing to movies and doing anything/ everything to keep oneself distracted. I see a lot of people making a conscious effort at disconnecting from oneself. Its such a sorry thing to do. The only time of the week when you get a chance to re-connect you choose to just let it slip and work your way in a converse direction.
Solitude makes people uneasy. It creates a deep sense of unrest. The reason being that most of us equate solitude with loneliness. Loneliness is like a closet where we keep stuffing all that makes us uncomfortable and which we do not want to confront. When we find ourselves alone all that we have kept on ignoring and denying, resurfaces. This is a classic case of "fight or flight" response, most of us without realizing and giving much thought to it, take the easy out. This is response that comes most natural to us, its "hard-wired" into our system and therefore its very rare that one puts much thought to it. The stress that the situation induces upon us is purely a cognitive one and hence there is always an easy escape from it. "Man is a cognitive miser" is one of my favorite quotes. Most of us prefer to spend heavy on the wallet front rather than spending time in self-analysis and self-understanding.
Today I was fortunate enough to get an opportunity to spend an entire day alone. I did not do anything spectacular through the day. Woke up late, lazed an extra hour in the bed. Went through the sunday newspaper, had a fruit salad breakfast, washed clothes, cooked lunch, watched a movie, random web-surfing, went for grocery shopping, cooked chana masala for dinner and since it was sprouted it was all the more nutritious, watched one more movie and finally blogged after a real long time :)
Finally as I prepare for going to bed and getting up to the same old frenzy and madness of monday morning the thought that crosses my mind is from the movie Hitch which I watched today -
Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath.
every dream ends
so they say
and yet everyone sleeps
sleeps to forget
sleep to hide
all in vain
This is a question that has been pondered upon by thinkers and non-thinkers alike for so many centuries. Each individual either writes about it or the lack of it. So many creative expressions have been a result of this is one emotion. I personally as well have been pondering about it from time to time.
So many attempts have been made to classify love. From divine to lustful, there is an entire continuum on which it finds expression. But again if we can these as expressions, then surely these are a mere manifestation. Then the question to be asked is, what lies beneath/ beyond, and what is it that is the root-cause of one of the most powerful and captivating emotion that man experiences.
People say that love is a state of being. If it is so then, love is just another emotional state. And like any other emotional state, transitory and affect based. By definition, emotion is the affective aspect of consciousness. This again brings us back into the cause-symptom loop, if love an emotion then it’s a symptom and now the cause. However, if we accept this premise we find attribute the seat of this emotion rooted in our neurology and hence hardwired in our brains and waiting for the right set of triggers. Instinctual love, as I would like to call it, doesn’t leave very far behind the animals, who in every mating season are compelled to go through the motions of copulation without the least bit of understanding of the whys.
Can love be rational? If love has a rational base then we can break it down to a mathematical equation. We can perform/ apply the rules of logic to it. We can add, subtract, multiply, divide it and find the resultant. This surely is not the case, as this paints a very manipulative picture of love. Yet, ironically, when we come to think of it, in real life this is the kind of love that we see around us so many times. Transactional love, as I would like to call it, involves give-and-take and book-keeping of all that one person does for the other and hence, an implicit expectation of return.
Popular cinema often equates love with sacrifice. The protagonist is portrayed as a suffering hero/ heroine. Love equals sacrifice equals suffering seems to the equation over here and hence. The more you sacrifice and the more you suffer the stronger is suppose to be your love, seems to the premise over here. Is love the same as sacrifice, if one person claims to be in love with another person and gives up everything for him/ her is that love? Sacrificial love, according to me is nothing more than a compromise. We all have our value system and our set of priorities, if one has to give them up, I would look at it more as a compromise rather anything else.
Religion talks of selfless love. Karmakaand (the ritualistic aspect of Hindu religion) and similar practices across all religion often equate social service and charity with love. Selflessness and acts of philanthropy have there own merits, there is no denying of that, but calling it love is something that is beyond my understanding. Selfless love, means to elicit the same response to all things in the world. As a meta-physical concept this is the most idealistic way ahead, however at the worldly level this surely seems to be the least understood and practiced.
There are so many connotations to this single word. Each school of thought tries to capture the essence of this emotion and bring forth there interpretations. As a free society surely there is no harm in doing so, but this starts to create problems when as a group or as an individual when there are attempts to impose these views over everyone else. This leads to a lot of fallacies, like, the government claims if you love your country then kill others on the battlefield, a number of extremist groups brainwash people and ask them to kill for religion and so on.
Love might still be an undefined concept for me, but as I start to think about it I certainly start realizing what it isn’t. And it might be an anti-thesis, but I have also started to realize that it is this very attempt to define and hence confine it to a selected operational framework that has caused so much distortion, and that too sadly, in the name of love.
A good way to start the year is by spending time to plan it and making some good resolutions.
One of my resolution finally started to roll out. I joined a workshop on Creative Writing at Xavier's Institute of Communication, this is a six week part-time course with classes happening once a week (every wednesday). Now as a part of the course I had to take a sub-resolution to start writing some thing every day. So, I have decided to give atleast 15 minutes of dedicated (with a person of my kind of attention span, thats really something) time for this starting today for the next six weeks.
And hence my new blog- http://myexperimentalcreativity.blogspot.com/
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