Jag Ja Re.....

 

Song: Jag ja re gudiya, misri ki puriya (Movie: Omakara - Singer: Sudesh Wadekar) Simple flow of lyrics.. fluidility in the singing... with a under current of music that gels into the theme of the song but also the broader framework of the movie. Whats amazing is that the background score in the song ranges from light instrumental (indian) to westernern classical. Suresh Wadekar following an indian semi-classical vocal style brings alive the soft spectrum of colors of dawn, ranging from the morning mist to the orange of the rising sun to the bright yellow shades of early morning.

Well... kind of funny but I have been labelled as a hopeless believer of romanticist (and adviced to start living life the more mundane way) and at the sametime I have people calling me a cold no-responsive person ( nee-raas). Whats even worse is that I tend to agree to both points of veiw... incorrigible me

Song: Boodein (Group: Silk Route).... koi ho yaado mein, palko pe boodein liye... nagma ho bheega as, ya tum ho koi gazal har pal jise gungunata rahu.....

Last evening was a frustrating experience in helplessness. A moment when all is gone. Hope, strength, fate... abandoned by all. This is not the first time I had this kind of experience, but have been struck by acute pain and paranoia innumerable times. This time I tried something different, just flowed with the feeling for sometime and let it grow till it almost overshadowed.. then instead of feeling intimidated just gathered all my courage and did something that even set me back for a moment.. I smiled... every tribulation comes with a time stamp and an expiry date.

Gazal: Deer lagi aane tumko (Singer: Jagjit Singh) shafak, dhanuk, mehbaat, ghataye, taare, nagme, bijli, phool, us daman mein kya-kya kuch hai... wo daman haath mein aaye to...

Gazal: Duniya jise kehte hai (Singer: Jagjit-Chitra) barsat ka badal to diwana hai kya jaane, kis raah se bachnaa hai, kis chat ko bhigona hai....

 

Learn to be still....

 

Sometimes I wonder as to why I tend to push myself so hard. Way harder than is required. Living in a state of anxiety, with the look of tension on the face to scare away any lesser mortal. I often wonder why is to so hard for me relax and let go.  Even the pettiest of thing takes root in the mind and results in a vicious thought circle. And to top it all I have my firm belief in cynicism of the nth order. Taking pride in living life in complete absurdity, which has its origin in a state of being that I wouldn't wish even upon my dearest enemy... and wherin lies the origin of an escape mechanism that gradually developed and spanned so deep that it's now hard-wired into me. I may think of it with a sense of pity, but it is this very madness that made me survive with a  chalo accha hua kaam aa gaye diwangi apni, varna hum zamane bhar ko samjhne kaha jaate ..... in a way this is has helped cover up some much space thats inside.. so many blank patches and voids...

Hum to yun apni zindagi se mile

Chance encounters with oneself are a good experience. Good experience in living and realizing about so many things that surrond us, but we barely pay any attention and just let them slip.

Tonight would also have been no different, except for the fact that in the dead of the night I realized that I had skipped a proper dinner while on the way back to the PG accomodation in which I shifted last friday early morning. Actually on the way back from college had hogged on some snacks and after reaching home was too tired to again go out to eat. So after completing my marketing assignment and sulking about life in general, realized that in am DAMN HUNGRY and have no way out of this situation.

So as a survival strategy, first started with consoling myself....... “music is a wonderful healing medium” was the adage that I put to test. Reminded me of the 15 odd gazals that I had downloaded in my last Eco lecture. And the first one that played on the radomized playlist was my dear old favourite “Jhuki jhuki si nazar”.

Usually gazals are either about greif and sorrow or based on the deeply romantic themes. Two ends of the continum of emotions displayed in a relationship. I have gradually come to realize that there so many shades of life which also there to be experienced and lived that even a life is short span. But rarely are the intermediate subtle shades explored as beautifully as -

Jhuki jhuki si nazar, bekarar hai ki nahi... daba daba sa sahi dil mein pyar hai ki nahi

Tu apne dil ki jawa dhadkano ko gin ke bata... meri tarah tera dil beqarar hai ki nahi..... daba daba sa sahi......

Wo pal ki jisme mohabbat jawan hote hai... us ek pal ka tujhe intezaar hai ki nahi... daba daba sa sahi.....

Teri ummed mein thukra raha hu duniya ko.... tujhe apne pe aaitbaar hai ki nahi.... daba daba as sahi.......

Well the temp diversion certainley helped. I am starting with reading a soft copy of “One Minute Manager” which was pending in my list of to-read for a long time.