One Year

Today completed one year of online existence :)

And yesterday was Pink Day

TWO BIG REASONS TO BE HAPPY...............

Doin Nothing...

Finally home after so long.. will enough time in store to relax and having the privledge of doing nothing :)

Spend an absolute lazy yesterday, just slept, slept and then... slept some more

And then today met my old friend from school days. Caught up with a lot of ... basically nothing

Now spending some time at a local cyber cafe, waiting for evening and some more freak out... Seems trying to actualize the title of this blog.. by turning a complete no-brainer.

Levity

There comes a time when we seek ourselves, not without but within.
There comes a time when the path materializes.
When truth separates itself from the morass of life;
To present the pristine glow of self-awareness.

To find that shining light of wisdom is an achievement;
To detach oneself from this meaningless struggle and turbulence is the way of the seeker,
To liberate one from an endless cycle of soul searching is the ultimate aim.
This life was good, just as the past ones were, just as the next one will be.

The time has come...to seek and hopefully learn the truth.

How Much Do You Know About Blogging?

Here is what I got when I put my Blog Gyan to test ->

Well, You Know What a Blog Is...

You got 3/8 correct! But, truthfully, most blogs probably bore you.

How Much Do You Know About Blogging?

Followed by world's Shortest Personality Test ->

Your Personality Profile

You are sexy, powerful, and bold. You're full of passion and energy... Sometimes this passion has a dark side. You feel most alive when you're seducing someone. You never fail to get someone's attention. Quick minded, you're also quick to lose your temper!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Leaving for home

After a near infinite wait, today is my last day at office. Done with all the clearences and almost complete office tour (more comprehensive one than we got during induction) to get the Full & Final Settlement Form signed by various departments (seven to be precise).

Finally heading home tommorrow. With 2 weeks to unwind and start all over.

Parting Thoughts

Spending a very tiring sunday afternoon all alone, this has turned out to be a real crappy weekend. Spend a useless saturday and had a real unwelcome start of sunday. My last weekend here. And still trying to go thru the grind of packing.

Its been 20 months that I have spend in the NCR. Jan 05 Gaziabad -> Feb 06 Job # 1 -> Mar 05 Sec 11 Noida (PG Accomodation) -> May 05 Job # 2 -> June 05 Sleeping/Bored to death in Office -> July 05 Hospital (and 3 weeks of hell) -> Aug Sec 20 Noida (Rented Apartment) -> Sept 05 Roomie tantrums -> Biggest Crush of my life (10th Oct 0523 hrs)-> Foreign lands (Hoping against hope)-> 20th Nov -> 2nd Feb (chance phonecall) -> Mar 06 Open Relationship -> Feelin April heat in Jaipur -> May (phase of personal defeat) -> June (Reflections) -> July (decide leaving it all).....

As always... a lot of ups and downs... a complete emotional roller coaster with its share of chills and thrills... and again a phase of life thats about to get over with mixed feelings

And just when finally had started the process of packup, something pretty much unexpected happened which more than anything else caught me totally off guard. For the first time saw clear cracks in the seams of one single relation which i had been tendering with care which was pretty much unlike me. Sometimes its just some words that can have such a deep impact on ones mind that it simply becomes a irrecoverable emotional hurt. And the worst part is that these words orignate from the personal deamons that both of us have been battling against.... So true are the Floyd lyrics " We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears....... "

Sometimes, it just our personal fears that can drive us to limits and beyond... reminds of the joke, which goes like - There was party going on in full blast on a cruise ship, suddenly a small boys falls off the deck... almost instantly a young man dives in and after a long battle with the might waves and the shark laden seas he is able to rescue the boy... there is a big round of applause and people ask him "so what were you thinking when you jumped ?" and the man answers "My only thought was, how to find the %#&##% who pushed me into water".

Bitter-Sweet Life

Soo long...............

Undercover Analysis

In less than 24 hours I will be once again free. Free from the bondage of a 8.5 hours office routine, which I had been following for the past 38 months. Incidentially, I come to realize that this also approximatly the same time duration that I spend in my graduation (37 months to be precise). So I guess i have completed a cycle of learning and un-learning, and come a full circle. That brings up the next question, in that case what should the next cycle of 18 months be termed as ?????

Several thoughts cross my mind at the sametime. finally to clear the jumble I have to take recluse of the method of elimination as has been summarized wonderfully by Sherlock Holmes "...when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. "

And also something which is in line with the Philosophical teachings of the great Socrates .

So lets start with what all things this phase is not -
01. Break / Sabbatical
02. "Back to college" phase (Apni to pathshala, masti ki pathshala)
03. Freak / Tangential move
04. Settlement move
05. "Me too" drive
06. Pure money driven (MBA=MNC=My Big Fat CTC)
07. Inspired (rather petrified) by "time running out" thoughts (Remember Pink Floyd's - Time)
08. Grown old enough should find a bearing ("Kabhi seriously socha hai kya karna hai tumhe?")
09. "How will I get married ?" (Hindi version is much better "Shaadi kaise tay hogi ?")
10. Management degree spells respect as compare to plain B.Sc ("Sirf BSc se to kaam nahi chal sakta")

And its really hard for my sceptical mind to come to terms with whats left... so will continue from where I am leaving after a short reality break ;o)

Focus :-(

Human ego plays strange games, at times it over rides even the most logical and obvious thought processes in favor of thoughts that you never ever thought…

Ok… well thats to vent out… and damn this constant irritating humming that i have to been hearing for the last 3 hrs from my collegue, some ad jingle :( I am barely able to focus and write....

As for the rest, less than a month now before my course starts. There hasn't been any sudden drastric change eversince the admission was confirmed, instead I see a metamorphosis.

My interest in blogging (read sharing my veiws, has re-kindled). And have got some real constructive, valuable and helpful feedback in this regards from my collegue Gaurav. Made me realise a lot of things about the layout and the contents.

As for the rest.. today my mind seems to be too wayward to focus and write about a single thing.

Ctrl C + Ctrl V and things like that

22 hr 15 mins

Thats the exact amount of time that I need to officially be in office.

Feeling so damn sleepy right now, cant really think about anything at all. And adding to it is the fact that my work station is diagonally oppposite to my manager :(

Looking busy and feeling bored is not an easy task.
Here are some serious thoughts to doze (err i mean ponder) over -> http://www.softwarereality.com/cthulhu/busy.jsp

And just in case if you are finding the task to be too daunting to be handled alone, here are some real helpful suggestions on how to use your workstation pc and several internet resources, as an effective & efficient tool to master the art of looking busy -> http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2003/8/5/1315/19085


NB: thanks Vijeta

Faith

Here is a link to one of the paintings by Salvador Dali, which i has fasinated me forever -> http://www.indstate.edu/ctl/vlessons/dali2.jpg

There are so many times/phases in my life in which i have one thru considerable amount of turmoil and have been swept off by a feeling of absolute despair.

And finally after reaching the ultimate peak, there is a feeling of absolute loneliness. A state which is beyond all feeling, which is reached more often than not after sheer exhauting of all physical, mental and emotional faculities. This is a state of silence. A silence which is meta-physical ; one thats very different in nature from "lack of noise". It has an element of purity in it. Probably a vague parallel to highlight the qualitative difference would be, feeling of calmness upon experiencing a gush of cool breeze in a mountain top as against watching the world sitting in side a frosted glass chamber.

A after attaining this state, all the hopelessness, despair and struggle vanishes; leaving space for something which we always keep running away from and thats "ourselves".

We hardly have the nerve to listen, acknowledge and face our inner voice. So many attempts are made in a span of a single day to sub due anything remotely close. We drown ourselves in innumerable worries and anxiety, which not only clogs so much of our "system resources" but also at the sametime blocks any passage that leads us inwards. Resulting in a reactive state in which we try to look for all things that require inner attention (peace, happiness, love) at all places external, but all in vain.

Finally after all the effort wheb we lay exhausted and completly exerted, there comes a relization thats so natural (sahaj) in nature that entire effort of a life time seems to be in vain.

Asatoma Sadgamaya

Thamaso Maa Jyothir Gamaya

Mrithyor Maa Amrutham Gamaya

Aum Shanti Shanti Shantihi

Meaning: Lead me from the unreal to the real. Lead me from darkness to light. Lead me from death to immortality. May there be peace everywhere.